marching drums

new year began when I took that call, and did not have a panic attack afterwards. I did not leave the bed the next day, but unlearning one mechanism after another. I still don't know how to be angry, still dont know how to reveal humanity in the face of eyes I have never been intimate with, ...not to get ahead of myself.

it is hard to dismantle and reorganize the society of my brain. I have to unlearn all the systems that were built, I can be nothing like what they wanted me to be, have no manners, be late, not care...